I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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