I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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