You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
