Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
