I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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