I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
