Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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