There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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