yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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