Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
