everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
