We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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