I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
