i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize