i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
