Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
