Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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