I'm lost and stupid without you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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