someone get that fucking seahorse.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
