she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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