That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
