At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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