Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
