Whod you bang
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i've created a new STD.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
