Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
