It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the condom got lost in my hair
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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