So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
