the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
