so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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