Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
