All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
