Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize