Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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