So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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