summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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