oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
