In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I smell like Dick and happiness
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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