For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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