He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
