Well douche your snatch and let's go!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
