Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
