so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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