My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
