**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
