I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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