My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they need to just BURY HIM!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
