Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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