i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
