im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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