You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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