Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
