his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
