id be glad to
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
