She's JV to your varsity
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
