I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
