Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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