for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
