i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
