so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
