Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
