god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We named our party play list daddy issues
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
