Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
