who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
