dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
