It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
