ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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