Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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