his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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