just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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