just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize