I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
