i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
