wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize