I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
